Our Parents Need Only One Thing in Old Age
They only need our presence. Right now, and as a present, not an obligation.
Actually, it’s not a thing per se.
We think it’s the monthly money we send back home, so they’re not financially dependent.
Nope!
We think it’s medical insurance for emergencies.
Nope!
We think it’s the foot massager. They get wellness treatment at home and can walk without crutches.
Nope!
We think it’s a full-time maid, so they don’t have to juggle chores and tasks at home and have free time to rest.
Nope!
We think it’s a FB or Insta account for them to connect with us anytime and stay updated.
Nope!
Presence in the present as a present
They only need our presence. Right now, and as a present, not an obligation.
Anything more I write here will be redundant.
Irony of our lives
We are out of town, state, or country making wealth, fame, and name for ourselves.
After all, it’s “my” life. I want to achieve this and that.
And ‘they’ will only chain me down in a fixed place, a prison.
But I was born to fly, born free!
I want to travel the world, see breathtaking places, and meet like-minded people.
That’s true, too.
The way out
Is there a third way out?
A middle path.
It need not be a zero-sum game. One shouldn’t come at the expense of the other.
Possible alternatives could be:
- Visiting your parents regularly (frequency depends on your circumstances and means) and living with them, supporting them when they’re super old like they supported us when we were super young.
- Taking them with you if they’re okay with it. It’s like uprooting an old tree that requires special care.
- Work from home as much as possible and take occasional trips to recharge your own battery, leaving them in someone’s care like “granny-sitting.”
Relationships first, everything else later
Once they leave, we can roam and settle anywhere to our heart’s content.
Because on our deathbeds, not handling relationships well with our partner or parents is the top regret of many according to a study.
If you don’t trust the data, go by the words of some of the legends:
- Nikola Tesla
I wish I was at your bedside to bring you water. All these years I spent in the service of mankind brought me nothing but insults and humiliation....
But my greatest reward was the love and understanding of my mother. When she died, I knew my light had gone out forever.
- Swami Vivekananda
When Bhuvaneshwari Devi passed away in 1911, Swami Vivekananda, who had earlier embraced the path of renunciation, allowed himself to grieve deeply. It is said that he did not try to suppress his emotions in this moment.
It is said that he uttered something like:
I know that my mother is not gone. She is always with me, and I will continue to serve her in the way I serve humanity.
- Mother Teresa
If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.
- John Lennon
Lennon’s deep longing for connection with his mother, who passed away when he was young, exemplifies the emotional regret of not being able to care for or cherish her as he wished.
Mother, you had me, but I never had you.
What is your relationship like with your parents?
How often do you visit home? How old are they now?
Have you thought about spending more time with them in coming years?
There is still time. We should reach out, right?
