Will You Choose to Die First or Live as a Widow?

That's the question I asked my life partner today.

To give you the context, we were watching a Swedish movie, Let Go, tonight.

In one sentence, the movie is about how communication is super important for a long-lasting and healthy relationship.

You can watch the trailer below for a quick summary.

As the movie progressed, I could sense M (my partner) getting uncomfortable. The husband wanted a divorce.

In the middle of the movie, she said she had to leave and give test exam online. I could see that coming.

I told her to please let the movie finish, it will get better. She stayed.

Then, as expected, the couple started communicating and venting their pent-up frustrations. They started coming closer until he decided not to leave.

But then, the wife dies of cancer. After that, the husband takes care of the kids in her absence.

The movie ends. And my mind starts.

Here comes the uncomfortable question

I asked M the following:

Will you prefer to die first or live without me?

Then I asked the following:

If the survivor can remarry (and even encouraged), will you prefer to die first or live without me?

After a few eternal moments of silence, she replied to both questions. If I could manage to move on and live, and live well without her, then she would prefer to die first!

And if not, then she would take the brunt of living without the other.

And...

She would rather adopt a kid or two than marry again.

I asked why.

She replied on expected lines that the new person would inadvertently force her to compare him with me. Fair point.

What now?

I was sure as hell that she would get nightmares tonight, being super sensitive and with a hyperactive subconscious. So, I told her to wake me up when that happens (but I know she will not).

Now it’s nearing midnight, and as I am typing this heart-moving and memory-etching event of my life on my personal webhome, I could see her tossing and turning in the bed.

Your views

What do you think?

Have I stretched the 'pro-communication' advice too far and rather not brought up this uncomfortable question, knowing that she is super-sensitive and delicate?

Or was it necessary to discuss these uncomfortable yet important questions about life and death with our partner? Like a cut made to extract out the pus and finally heal the wound because 'comfortable' band-aid was not doing the job.

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